Memorial created 04-5-2007 by
Christina Ann Hinds
June 30 1985 - March 18 2007
Don't ask me if I AM over it yet. i'll never be over it. A part of me died with our child. Don't tell me she is in a better place. she is not here with me where she belongs. Don't say at least she is not suffering. I haven't come to terms with why she suffered at all. Don't tell me at least I have another child Which of your children would you have sacrificed? Don't ask us if we feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up. Don't force your beliefs on us. Not all of us have the same faith. Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years. What year would you choose for your child to die? Don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear. Right now I don't feel we can handle anything else. Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain. Don't tell me you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child. No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things. Don't take our anger personally. We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us. Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room. We are in pain, but not deaf. Don't stop calling us after the initial loss. Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us. Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away. We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others. Don't tell me to get on with our lives. We each grieve differently and in our own time frame. Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar. Do say you are sorry. We're sorry, too, and you saying that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those tired cliches you don't really mean anyway. Just say you're sorry. Do put your arms around me and hold me. I need your strength to get us through each day. Do say you remember our child, if you do. Memories are all I have left and we cherish them. Do let us talk about our child. Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever. Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings. Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process. Cry with us if you want to. Do remember us on special dates. Our child's birth date, death date and holidays are a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child. Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child. We do. Do show our family that you care. Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain. Do be thankful for children. Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain.
A Bereaved Parent’s Wish List
I wish my child hadn’t died. I wish I had him/her back.
I wish you wouldn’t be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was
very important to me. I need to hear that he/she was important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that
it isn’t because you have hurt me. My child’s death is the cause of my tears.
You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief. I
thank you for both.
I wish you wouldn’t “kill” my child again by removing his/her pictures,
artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away
from me. I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear
about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child’s
death pains you. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call,
a card or a note or a really big hug.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. These first
months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand my grief will never
be OVER. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
I am working very hard on my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I
will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and I will always grieve
he/she is dead.
I wish you wouldn’t expect me “not to think about it” or to be “happy.”
Neither will happen for a very long time. So don’t frustrate yourself.
I don’t want to have a “pity party,” but I do wish you would let me grieve. I
must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has been shattered. I know that it is
miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable. Please be patient
When I say, ”I’m doing ok,” I wish you could understand that I don’t “feel”
okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I’m having are normal.
Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected.
So please excuse me when I’m quiet and withdrawn or cranky.
Your advice to “take one day at a time” is excellent. However, a day is too
much for me right now. I wish you could understand that I’m doing well to handle
an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly it is not my intent. Sometimes the
world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish
you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big
part of me died with him/her. I am not the same person I was before my child
died and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand my loss, my grief, my silence, my
tears, my void and my pain. But I pray that you will never understand.
Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond's gift on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush. I am the swift rush, Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die
This was sent to me by our dear friends wil and lina in florida. SAFELY HOME I am home in Heaven, dear ones; Oh, so happy and so bright There is perfect joy and beauty In this everlasting light. All the pain and grief is over. Every restless tossing passed. I am now at peace forever, Safely home in heaven at last. Did you wonder I so calmly Trod the valley of the shade? Oh, but Jesus love illumined Every dark and fearful glade. And He came Himself to meet me In that way so hard to tread; And with Jesus arm to lean on, Could I have one doubt or dread? Then you must not grieve so sorely, For I love you dearly still Try to look beyond earth's shadow's, Pray to trust our Father's Will There is work still waiting for you, So you must not idly stand; Do it now, while life remaineth- You shall rest in Jesus land When that work is all completed, He will gently call you Home. Oh, the rapture of that meeting, Oh, the joy to see you come!
A Mothers Pain
You see me smiling. What you don't see is that I am screaming behind that smile. You see me go on with everything....work....groceries.....life in general. What you don't see is that it takes every ounce of energy I have just to breathe. You see me alone with my thoughts. What you don't see is me talking to Him and her. You see me say "I am fine". What you don't see is the huge hole in my heart that can never be filled. You see me and think "she's back to normal". What you don't see is that there is no normal for me anymore. You see me and think "Oh my God I hope this never happens to me" What you don't see is that as much as I long for you to understand me... I hope this never happens to you either. You see me joking and laughing with others and think she must be gettin over what has happened. What you don't see is that I can never forget, nor would I want to, you don't get over the loss of a child. You see me sad and don't know what to say so you keep going. What you don't see is all I really want is for you to ask how I am doing, really, and give me a hug. You see that life goes on. What you don't see is on March 18th, 2007 that the life I had will never be the same . You see that I am strong...... do not be deceived. What you don't see is that I am weak and weary. somedays "I am 6 feet from the edge". What you see is a mask....a lie. The mask helps you cope with me and me cope with myself. What you don't see is the raw sometimes unbearable pain. You don't see me being unable to breathe. What you don't see is my despair. You don't see me screaming to heaven for God to give my daughter back. What you don't see you could never understand anyway unless you walk a mile in my shoes.... God Forbid.
I am watching you from heaven I have not turned my back on you, So there is no need to cry. I am watching you from heaven, Just beyond the morning sky. I've seen you almost fall apart, When you could barely stand. I asked the Lord to comfort you, And watched him take your hand. He told me you were in more pain than I could ever see. He wiped his eyes and swallowed hard, Then gave your hand to me. Although you may not feel my touch, Or see me by your side, I've whispered that I love you, while I wiped each tear you cried. So please try not to ache for me, We will meet again one day, Beyond the dark and stormy sky, A rainbow lights the way. author unknown......
HOLD ON There have been times in my life when all seemed lost. Life just wasn't worth living through another day. Then you need to remember things that are important to you. For as low as we fall there is always something or someone, somewhere to help pull you back from the deep pits of darkness. Once you feel yourself slipping grab onto that something or someone. We wonder why life has given us such a bad deal. That is not the question. Love, Hope, and Faith will guide us. Look around and find the things you need to live for. If we look hard enough, we will find the place we need to be. Hold on for your loved ones, hold on for yourself. God will take you when He needs you. Until then make the most of what you have. Give the most that you can, Love the best that you can, And never lose hope. Each morning that you wake up, Thank God you are still alive, to live another day to find your way. Life is truly worth living for, if you look. Find that place you need to be And just hold on.
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